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Tag Archives: Absurd
The True Disney Magic
This is hilarious! Some lady is suing Disney because she got felt up by Donald Duck!
As the one commenter posted, “The duck doesn’t wear pants, what do you expect?”
This story killed me.
Get your Disney magic on! Travel to Florida, and get felt up by a horny cartoon character! God Bless Amurka!
Chronicles of the Absurd
Today’s tasty tidbit of absurdity comes from close to home. It is a special day for me because today is my daughter’s 11th birthday. A close family relative, whom is a non compliant diabetic, and is also on a liver transplant list, brought down a birthday cake that had over an 1″ of icing on it. Not to be outdone in their shame and to draw attention away from that, they also included a “how to stop smoking” DVD in my daughter’s gift basket.
Now, at first I thought, when did my daughter start smoking? But then the cigarette smoke lifted and I realized it was for me. I asked when told, of the DVD, “What, is it showing a time machine video of my funeral, cause I won’t be smoking then, unless I’m cremated.” And I also wanted to know if there was a video of the cake that was brought to my home and how to quit eating that…see the difference is, I can quit smoking when I’m ready. This person has an illness that unless controlled by diet will kill them…even if they smoke or not…
I have decided that the only way I can get through this is perhaps if I include some of the absurdities done by this close family relative…no names…or family position designation…but too much pure absurdity to go to waste. Oh, and I made sure that the piece of cake I cut for em had the most icing of all. Then I went out for a smoke!
Chronicles of the Absurd
Guess whose been taking a little nip of the stupid on the side…Steve Jobs. At first I thought with all the recent solar activity that the I-Sun was sabotaging the fruit fuhrer’s new 4-G i-phone. But no. I was wrong. Turns out, it was the USER all along.
I suppose there is no need for Steve Jobs to say its due to poor design quality, rush to production, etc. That would mean that his products are really no different in their functionality, reliability, and longevity then their competitors. Hmmm…maybe Steve Jobs thinks all of us are the ones taking the stupid…think again fruit fuhrer.
I think the more important issue surrounding the new 4-G i-phone is Will It Blend?
Chronicles of The Absurd
Today’s winner of absurdity comes from none other then our own EPA. An unnamed governmental agency released a report today saying that they have detected a “cloud of oil” about 3,300 to up to 4,600 feet deep which stretches away from the well head for about 6 miles. The EPA says that there has been “no significant harm to sea life” from this plume.
Like the fish above, I am wondering what absurdities will have to occur to cause what they classify as “significant harm” to the sea life? Meanwhile, back in reality, people are being filmed trying to rescue dolphins in vain off of the beaches in the gulf. Not to mention the articles on the amounts of sharks, rays, and other large predators along with their prey fleeing to shallow waters close to shore.
My advice for the EPA would be to get its head out of Sarah Palin’s medicine cabinet and start coming to terms with one of the worse environmental disasters in I-Earth’s history.
Chronicles of The Absurd
I actually watched today’s winner live on CSPAN and I couldn’t believe my luck! Thank you Rep. Baton R-Tex. You have given me my absurd word of the day: SHAKEDOWN.
Here, I was thinking that BP got off relatively easy with the setting up of a fund (only $5 billion per year for the next 4 years) of $20 billion. Guess I’m more gangsta then the President!
Maybe this is how the Congressman from Texas thinks it all went down at the White House yesterday…
A Picture Says A Thousand Words
From the above picture you would think that our President has BP against the wall. CEO Tony Hayward is making the quasi “fist face” and Obama’s got him on the ropes with his “I mean business” pointer thumb. But no. BP is getting off cheap. So just for the hell of it, I googled “what can I buy for $20 billion” and this is what I got.
Wow. The folks on the Gulf Coast will cost BP what Spam costs in terms of the loss of productivity per year. Hmmm. What else? The US Bank Bailout perhaps? A Microsoft Share buyback? Yep. It sounds like its a lot of money to compensate people who have lost their lively hoods, but its really not. It is only the tip of a multi-generational iceberg whose melt rate will overflow in that area for years and years to come.
Joe Biden’s head down says it all. We are screwed.
Is Ricky Gervais Moonlighting?!?!
Saw this in a training bit today. Could this be Ricky Gervais moonlighting as a beard and hair net model? “This is completely and totally mental!” He looks very unhappy about this whole scenario!
Chronicles of the Absurd
BP CEO Tony Hayward is going to start running ads of his apology on national television. The cost of this venture is money that could be going towards the remediation of the Gulf of Mexico and the poor folks who live on its shores. We already know they are sorry. Just in the words of our president “Plug the damn hole!”
The only way that BP is going to solve this issue is if they start working on a time machine. Here’s some ideas BP to get you started:
Chronicles of the Absurd
With so much stupidity running rampant, I thought what a shame not capture it. Today’s tasty ignoramus is none other then that tireless self promoting Alaskan Wolverine a.k.a. A Hockey Mom with Teeth a.k.a Mrs. Stupidity 21st Century…Sarah Palin.
You would have thought that a smarter person would have said how great of a tragedy this was and how this impacts the lives of so many truck driving, animal killing, truck driving fisherman who drink beer and drive around with sharks in their flatbeds kinda folks…since this is her *ahem* political base. Nope. She wants to now push for more onshore drilling in the Alaskan Wildlife National Refuge since those same oil companies have basically destroyed an ocean and land should be up for grabs cause we can plug a hole on land. Really Sarah? Really? I would have thought it to be a huge wake up call for us to start looking for alternative fuels sources, but under the influence of stupidity, I could see where her beauty pageant logic works.
Since the pay out from BP is going to run out for the folks in the Gulf Region sooner rather then later, I think people should make a mass exodus to Alaska so that when the stupidity takes over, they too can pay no taxes and receive $1,000 a year from those oil companies just for living in her “maverick” state. Think she will take the extra money and buy waterfront property on Prince William Sound? Or maybe a house on the gulf? Don’t betcha.
I know. This was too easy.