What ever little girl dreams of having…
*His Majesty High King Pimp White Ken sold seperatly.
Category Archives: Chronicles of the Absurd
Spock and Bacon.
So illogical, yet it makes perfect sense.
My Pussy Demands Seven.
Why Do You Smoke?
Maybe you want to be a cowboy? Maybe you like to litter cigarette butts in the wild west dirt lands? Maybe you like horses? (or in my case) Maybe you have the theme to the Magnificent Seven rolling around in your head?
There are a few video’s here. Just click the forward button to the second one. This is my favorite, because you get to listen to magnificent seven while you watch the guy smoke and look really cool and bossy, then he just pitches his lit cigarette on the ground in disgust! GOD BLESS AMURKA!
1. Christmas in Marlboro country… Holidays aren’t just for booze and overeating anymore. Now you can smoke’m off.
2. My favorite one with bossy litterbug guy, and a very bold rendition of magnificent seven. Like they say, “there’s always time for a break!”
3. Cowboys at sunset. Meh! Looks like brokeback mountain set up.
4. “Morning comes to Marlboro country like the sun does..” (looks great with the coffee and the diabetic old man).
5. Julie London sings to her man in the car about his cigarettes while she drinks coffee from a porcelain cup. Totally believable. She should just shut up and sing my favorite Julie London song, “Hot Toddy”.
6. Heading for the “high?!?!?!” country?!?! what What WHAT?! Good magnificent seven on this one.
7. Where theres a man, there’s a marlboro. Really? Sexist smoking? Look george is a drug pusher. That lady is a MAN! Ralph will be ready to go when he’s done his nic fix.
8. A very touching sappy version of the magnificent seven. This guy is a major f’ing fly fishin loner. He doesn’t even care about grass stains on the ass of his pants when he lounges in the dirt. What a rebel!
9. The Marlboro man sings to you. I guess you can only smoke if you ride horses and work at the crack of dawn. Apparently snow helps too. Wow, roam rhymes with home and home rhymes with roam.
That’s it! Hope you NOW understand why you smoke.
The Greatest Event in Television History
Finally. the genius of the Season 4 opening scene of Hart to Hart is recognized.
Happy June 2013 Thoughts
Here are some of today’s numbers (for those of you scoring at home):
5 Interview calls today. Only 2 spoke discernible English.
Of those 2, one (1) seemed very good. I have some work to do, but once again here’s another Whoppertunity.
3 Calls today asking for “Sean” or “Shawn” “Gabreel”. These were phone scams known as the “free government grant” phone scams. I never got calls like this when I was working. It is amazing how this world preys on the desperate. Just makes me really mad at humanity. Here’s a youtube AUDIO of a guy who has them stomped.
Listen from the 5 minute mark forward. These are foul mouthed sick predator people. This guy is wise, and these phone scammers are horrifically manipulative. It’s nice to hear them get what they deserve. Keep in mind I had 3 of these god damned calls today. I would love to keep these people on the phone and mess with them, but I have a minutes allowance on my verizon wireless contract, of which I’ve been in good standing for 12 years (bastards!).
1 Computer diagnosed. Billy D’s car shop across the street wasn’t getting video on their PC (related to our transformer explosion last month). I lugged his tower PC upstairs, broke it open and fiddled with it. Isolated that one of his memory cards was bad. TA DAAAAAAAAAA!
11 more days left in this apartment. (I want to be vacated by June 15 … hopefully).
11 is Gladys’ approximate age on her approximate birthday. Since daddy is getting an unemployment check tomorrow, Gladys’ birthday will be June 5, 2013. I know I’ve always said (and agreed with her vet) that she was born in June. No one is really sure. She’s a street kitty at heart.
It’s going to be interesting to see how she takes to the new digs… (Insert ponderous thought here).
2 is the amount of annoying ice cream trucks that have gone by my house in the past 1 hour. Sign of the economy? I think so…
THANK GOD IT’S SUMMER BUT… there aint no “hissing of summer lawns” going on here. (Right Denise? I put this cheezee Joni Mitchell song up for you)
so… In summary,
Sometimes I Dont Know What To Feel
Hooray, I’m redeemed! (whatever that means)
But apparently I need to “go through Jesus”. Is that like “going through a red light”? Or “going through bankruptcy”? I could use a clear analogy…
Another crushing loss for the saviour of the world
So this wacko lady claimed she was personally endorsed by ol’ JC himself. And she lost. To a gay man.
Humpday Heroes
Who doesn’t need a hero to hump? And why does Wednesday never appear in any popular song lyrics? So starting today, this day is for the unsung heroes of this world. Fuck all the other days of the week, cause on Wednesday you’re a hero!
Today’s hero came to me over this weekend. Charles Nelson Reilly.
Yes, Charles was a hero on so many levels that if I have to explain it to you, it would cause dizziness, severe cramping, nausea, heat stroke, bloating, premature age spotting, blindness, and dry mouth.
So let’s all raise, whatever it is you raise, one up high tonight for Mr. Reilly. A tribute to a true American Hero: