Category Archives: Chronicles of the Absurd

Chronicles of the Absurd, Connect-O-Pics, Cool stuff, Travelogue

Atlantic City, NJ in Review

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Went and actually stayed in Atlantic City, NJ a few nights for the first time in my life.  This was all courtesy of Rob Montgomery.

Let me tell you… INTERESTING place.  Had a great time, but WOW talk about strange places..

First of all, we stayed in a building called the Flagship.

Flagship
Flagship, Atlantic City, NJ

We were on the 11th floor facing north (toward Brigantine, NJ).  I took pictures with my cell phone and made a collage of which I am quite proud.

Collage of View from Flagship
My collage of photos of the view from the 11th floor balcony. That's Absecon Inlet and Brigantine, NJ in the background.

If you click on the picture above you can see the full blown image.  It’s pretty neat!  Take notice of the boardwalk that is crumbling.  Atlantic City is literally crumbling in some areas and being rebuilt in others. What made the boardwalk so interesting is that people used it freely everyday all the time walking around barricades and ignoring warnings of the whole thing being unsafe.  There were parts where you could fall through human sized holes into the crashing surf below.  Obviously this boardwalk had taken hits from various storms in the past.  The question I have is, why would you build a boardwalk on the water right where the waves break, then put a sea wall behind the boardwalk?  Either way I found this whole thing very interesting.  This boardwalk sits on the north side of AC so maybe the “Noreasters” take their toll.  This boardwalk initially wrapped around to the eastern/ocean side of the island but now it’s so broken up it doesn’t go through.  Here are some pictures of the shoddy boardwalk.

Atlantic City crumbling
Atlantic City crumbling
AC crumbles
Notice the light pole that is broken and laying across the boardwalk toward the back of the photo right after the pole that is still standing.

The casinos were fun.  We spent most of our time at Ballys, Ballys Wild West, and Harrahs.  They are all pretty much the same thing that have the same games.  It’s like choosing between McDonalds or Burger King.  Same shit!  I found myself to be lucky/competent at video poker (of course) and a video slot machine called “bonus party” or “bonus block party”.  I did pretty well.  I’m no high roller but let’s say I had a wonderful time with little expense thanks to my winnings.

What makes AC interesting is the people that gamble.  They come from all walks of life and they are completely obsessed with gambling.  They walk around the casino floor like dazed zombies.  Some of the outfits and hairdo’s were noteworthy.  This next picture was taken by Rob.  This “lady” had an award winning mullet.  Even fringe for lesbian standards.

Award winning AC mullet
Award winning Atlantic City mullet

Well, for what it’s worth, I had a great time.  I’d go back!  I want to end this now before it starts to REALLY become a “what I did last summer” blog (as if it hasn’t already).  Thanks again to Rob Montgomery for the get-away and for introducing me to Mary and Kevin!  Good people!  Good times!

Chronicles of the Absurd, Rehomo News, silly

Chronicles of the Absurd asks “Then Why Am I In The Picture?”

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Well the voter’s of the great state of Delaware spoke last night and there to answer the call was their champion Christine O’Donnell. Typically, I could give a shit less what happens in Delaware unless it involves tax free shopping or some time spent with dear friends at the beach, but in this case, I can’t let it slide.

The old “Nuts on the Forehead” or “Tea Bagging” party scored a victory over their Republican counterparts by electing Chrissy to run for the Republican ticket for Joe Biden’s (of all people) seat in the Senate. I watched this morning on some news station thanking Sarah Palin for her victory. Really? Wow. If the Chronicles of the Absurd was having a beauty pageant, she would definitely be first runner up. The reason why for first runner up? She scored low points with the closeted gay judges during the final Q & A round on the masturbation question.

Even Sarah Palin is not stupid enough to answer or even bring up that question, I mean the bitch can see Russia from her house! I just feel sorry for the people of Delaware when their S.A.L.T. leader goes to the Senate and enacts laws that forbid them from touching themselves when with themselves.  And as for an answer to Chrissy’s question at the end of the video,  “If it was not for putting a masturbation piece in front of masses, hiding the Talibanistic Christian Right Wing Bullshit, honey you would not have been elected…that is why you are in the picture bitch!”

Chronicles of the Absurd, Grinds My Gears, silly

The True Disney Magic

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This is hilarious!  Some lady is suing Disney because she got felt up by Donald Duck!

As the one commenter posted, “The duck doesn’t wear pants, what do you expect?”

This story killed me.

Click here to read

Get your Disney magic on!  Travel to Florida, and get felt up by a horny cartoon character!  God Bless Amurka!

Horny Naughty Donald
Chronicles of the Absurd, Grinds My Gears

Keeping them Honest

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Gloria’s Boy aka Anderson Cooper likes to pride himself on his “AC360” show with his tag line “Keeping them Honest.” Well, if traveling the globe to disaster after disaster for the best photo shot is keeping it honest, then AC is your man. Only if you are a man though.

Here is Gloria’s boy keeping it honest as he leaves the gym with his hot piece. See that look? Oops! AC isn’t keeping it honest. If anything, he has a platform to make his case for his fellow closet suffer. But no. And it is with that, in the words of Edwina Monsoon “I take issue.” Usually I let it go, and see him for what he is; an over privileged, under loved, seeking all of the attention he didn’t get when mommy made jeans through his TV show, closeted homo.

But yesterday evening, I spied a video on his blog made by one of his beard reporters about how contacting a government agency during a government holiday about the oil spill got them no response. I suppose government employees where perhaps at the gym with their secret lovers or off to the Hampton’s to spend the holidays with “mommy?” Why are they not out in front of Senator Mary Landry’s home on this holiday weekend…or Congressman Barton’s home (a Chronicles of the Absurd favorite) asking them why are they not working to solve this little environmental disaster considering they received the highest amounts of campaign money from…you guessed it BP.

I suppose  that Gloria’s boy thought this was an “outstanding” piece of investigative journalism, considering he works at a job he needs not even take a salary for.  I guess when you can afford to go anywhere you want with anyone you want, it doesn’t become a vacation…how’s that for “keeping them honest.”

Chronicles of the Absurd

Chronicles of the Absurd

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Today’s tasty tidbit of absurdity comes from close to home.  It is a special day for me because today is my daughter’s 11th birthday.  A close family relative, whom is a non compliant diabetic, and is also on a liver transplant list, brought down a birthday cake that had over an 1″ of icing on it. Not to be outdone in their shame and to draw attention away from that, they also included a “how to stop smoking” DVD in my daughter’s gift basket.

Now, at first I thought, when did my daughter start smoking? But then the cigarette smoke lifted and I realized it was for me. I asked when told, of the DVD, “What, is it showing a time machine video of my funeral, cause I won’t be smoking then, unless I’m cremated.”  And I also wanted to know if there was a video of the cake that was brought to my home and how to quit eating that…see the difference is, I can quit smoking when I’m ready. This person has an illness that unless controlled by diet will kill them…even if they smoke or not…

I have decided that the only way I can get through this is perhaps if I include some of the absurdities done by this close family relative…no names…or family position designation…but too much pure absurdity to go to waste. Oh, and I made sure that the piece of cake I cut for em had the most icing of all. Then I went out for a smoke!

Chronicles of the Absurd, silly

Chronicles of the Absurd

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Guess whose been taking a little nip of the stupid on the side…Steve Jobs. At first I thought with all the recent solar activity that the I-Sun was sabotaging the fruit fuhrer’s new 4-G i-phone. But no. I was wrong. Turns out, it was the USER all along.

I suppose there is no need for Steve Jobs to say its due to poor design quality, rush to production, etc. That would mean that his products are really no different in their functionality, reliability, and longevity then their competitors. Hmmm…maybe Steve Jobs thinks all of us are the ones taking the stupid…think again fruit fuhrer.

I think the more important issue surrounding the new 4-G i-phone is Will It Blend?

Chronicles of the Absurd, silly

Please Pray for Dick

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Seems the robot heart is shorting out. Perhaps its from the high density of the solar wind right now or more likely a drop in his massive BP/Hallibuton stock. Either way, you know the republican Jesus has a special place for Dick in his heart.

I wonder if Glenn Beck will weep and start a prayer chain and blame Dick’s cold black robot heart short out as a murder conspiracy by liberal Nazi covert 9 volt battery shock assassins. *sigh*

Chronicles of the Absurd, silly

Chronicles of The Absurd

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Today’s winner of absurdity comes from none other then our own EPA. An unnamed governmental agency released a report today saying that they have detected a “cloud of oil” about 3,300 to up to 4,600 feet deep which stretches away from the well head for about 6 miles. The EPA says that there has been “no significant harm to sea life” from this plume.

Like the fish above, I am wondering what absurdities will have to occur to cause what they classify as “significant harm” to the sea life? Meanwhile, back in reality, people are being filmed trying to rescue dolphins in vain off of the beaches in the gulf. Not to mention the articles on the amounts of sharks, rays, and other large predators along with their prey fleeing to shallow waters close to shore.

My advice for the EPA would be to get its head out of Sarah Palin’s medicine cabinet and start coming to terms with one of the worse environmental disasters in I-Earth’s history.

Chronicles of the Absurd, silly

Apple and Adolf ink deal to promote “iDOLF”

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BETTER THAN THE ONION,….ME OF COURSE!!
Fuhrer Finds Fans, Financial Freedom
By jeffrey tull


Not since the crash of the Hindenburg has a former Nazi gas-bag so caught the world’s attention. Adolf Hitler, former pariah and Chancellor of Germany has announced his return from retirement to become the latest in a long line of compensated celebrity endorsers.
Marv Levy, Hitler’s agent, bodyguard and travelling companion told us in an exclusive phone interview the former fuhrer has changed his ways, converted to Judiasm and has returned from self-imposed South American exile. He then stated that Hitler intends to ink a three year contract to become spokesperson for computing giant, Apple.


Levy stated briefly, “Mr Hitler is eager to come back to work once again on the world’s stage. He has spent a number of years studying the Kaballah and reflecting on his past. He regrets the Final Solution and he now believes he can offer the world something positive.” When asked if his Nazi past would interfere with his work, Levy replied “Absolutely not. In fact, it only helped the Pope!”
Steve Jobs, Apple’s CEO and resident wunderkind agreed. He eagerly shook hands and answered questions for shareholders and the media at last Tuesday’s breakfast launching of his companys newest product, the iDOLF.
Jobs stated “ The iDOLF, Apple and Hitler are a dynamite combination and he’s an excellent public speaker. He’s bent on world domination and studies show he’s wildy popular with the 18-24 year old peckerheads who actually buy our crap.

There has never been a more perfect man in the world to represent Apple.” He then attempted to show the crowd detailed market research backing up his claims but spent the last twenty minutes of his presentation swearing at the network, sobbing and trying to reboot his overheating iDOLF.


Apple’s main competitor, Microsoft, was cautiously impressed by the move. Former CEO and chairman Bill Gates stated to reporters he intends to look into the phenomenon. “We’ve been following Apple’s lead ever since the dawn of the Information Age. Anything they do we steal, retool and slap our label on it. I can admit that now that I’m no longer CEO.” His impish grin then turned stone cold as he continued. “Actually I admire Hitler immensely. He stole all of Europe, those precious works of art. He stole land and natural resources. He stole the flower of a generation through ruthless, shameless agression. The guy was born to work for us! But sadly, he’s under contract with Apple ‘till 2015.” Mr Gates then slyly stated “We’re not worried. We’ve got a few tricks up our sleeve to cash in on his popularity.”


Sitting for his first interview since escaping from Allied dominated Europe in 1947, we agreed to meet at a local coffee shop. Hitler looked fit and tan in white linen trousers, a blood-red oversized Ralph Lauren Polo pullover and Sperry Topsiders. Tribal tatoos peeked delicatley from under his left shirt cuff. As Hitler sipped on mineral water, he casually eyed the crowd, signing the occasional autograph.
Levy, his ever present body guard broke the ice. “We did test runs using Mr Hitler in various advertising campaigns with some level of success.

He was wildly more popular than the “oi!-POD” promoted as an alternative by the Anti Defamation League.

We soon realized that Adolf in the 21st Century was associated with most audiences as having a high level of positive brand recognition. Strong, forceful and very conservative, he’s more trusted in this country than Joe Biden or Nancy Pelosi. And although his career in politics is over, he’s been approached by teabaggers from four midwestern states as a potential candidate, He even has the support of former President George W Bush”


Hitler himself was glad to be back in civilization but at a loss to explain his new found good fortune. “I’ve more or less spent the last half of the twentieth century eating papaya, fighting jungle beasts and having degenerate sexual relations with the native peoples.” He continued, becoming more animated and agitated. “ Once or twice I had to meet with Madonna for that Kabbalah training. I had to shuffle out of town because Wiesenthal and his friends over at the Mossad were trailing her to get to me and were almost up my ass! But living that jungle life? It’s not quite as good as ruling Greater Germania or getting head from Eva Braun but hey, I’m still here and I’m certain that fat English fuck Winston is sucking Stalin’s peanut of a cock in Hell.”
He then showed an unforseen level of restraint and began to calmy reflect on vegetarianism as the reason for his long life. When asked about his new contract with Apple, he was blunt. “I personally am a PC man. I cant stand that annoying “i” prefix on every product they friggin’ sell. …and that ‘beach ball of death’ just makes me wanna blitz Poland again. But I’m grateful for the chance to promote the iDOLF. They could very well have gone with Dolf Lungren.”
The iDOLF as well as Sony’s WPS (Worthless Piece of Shit) are available in stores now.