BOBPU – Cupertino, CA – Apple’s acquisition yesterday of rights to sell songs by an obscure British band called “The Beatles” amazingly resulted in all 17 albums by the band topping the iTunes charts.
An estimated 30 million dollars was spent on music by the band overnight. Prior to the songs being made available on iTunes, the music all but unobtainable by ravenous fans of the band.
Shane Condrad, 16, a high school student in Los Angeles,bought every remastered release “just because my friends did it.” Condrad said the music was “kinda like, you know, old sounding, you know, but like good, I guess.”
Prior Tuesday’s announcement, users of Apple products had to actually “rip” their CDs to put music by The Beatles on to their iPods and other Apple devices. “This is so much easier, it was well worth the 240 dollars I spent,” said Condrand.
Apple Computing (ot to be confused with Apple Records or Honey Crisp Apples., or any goddamn apples of any other kind) said it was was proud to be part of the band’s success. Spokeswoman Shimely Uspatz said “We’re so happy to see an unknown band make it to the top of the charts so quickly.” Uspatz drove off in her diamond-studded Hummer limousine before BOBPU could ask further questions about the future signing of one Yoko Ono, a Japanese performance artist.
– Bob Kafka, BOB Press Ubinational
