Once again I found myself in Washington County, MD this weekend, and it went smoothly considering what typically happens to me in the past. However, this time I was too confident and just as my daughter and I where leaving to head back home, we stopped at Sheetz to get a bite to eat. The place was crowded and people did their best to line up as civilly as possible while waiting for food, checking out, and basic store navigation.
While I was waiting in line, an older gentlemen thought wrong. He wanted to walk in front of me to exit the store. Cool. He looked at me and said “Excuse me”. I said “Oh, go right ahead sir…” He thought I called him a “goat head” and said “Well, goat head, that was a mean thing to say…” as he glaringly huffed away at me in front of all these people waiting in line.
WTF? Now, granted this place was loud, but really? Goat head? OK. I give up Washington County. You win.
Tag Archives: Absurd
Chronicles of the Absurd-NO.You are NOT like me.
And I don’t want YOUR ads playing in MY state. I have enough to deal with considering the biggest asshole we had for governor wants to try his hand at raising my fees and the toll amounts on the roads I travel by running for office again.
I am SO sick of all of these political ads polluting my morning news. I am SO sick of these out of touch, over pandering liars and their bullshit. You assholes want to impress me and get my vote? Then try living without a bank account for a month and get back with me.
Why is it that we can have over 1000+ different soda, cars, jeans, etc. to choose from, yet we are only subjected to two crappy political parties or their side fringe nut jobs? Welcome to the United States of Absurdity.
retarded whore convention huge success!
SUPERTARD SEAL OF APPROVAL
Chronicles of the Absurd
Today’s special winner for the Absurd is brought to you by James O’Keefe. Mr. O’Keefe’s one claim to fame was his ground breaking journalism posing as a pimp trying to get his ho a loan from the ACORN office. You remember him right?
Mr. O’Keefe & friends have been having a hard time lately trying to practice their craft. It seems that after being sent to jail for another attempt at an undercover operation where he and his followers dressed as telephone repairmen to gain entry into a Senator’s office (which resulted in a misdemeanor charge…you can’t mess with a republican senator from New Orleans…there is too much oil money), he under the guise of his (and how do we circumvent paying taxes?) non-profit “Project Veritas” have blown it again. But this time, it was one of his own who blew the whistle.
So, in this day and age of where the punker becomes the punkee, what is one of no scruples to do? How is that intern going to pass that editing class without having that material about CNN to show on Fox News? How is the absurdity going to continue!?! Where is the outrage from the anti-masturbatory matrons? Or the men of faith?
Oh, that’s right. Let’s wait for the fair and balanced reporting to take the lead. I think the real investigative journalism is-who is backing this guy and giving him the money to spend on not only a staff, but also for decking out a porno boat.
Which then begs me to ask…”Is the boat available for weekend rentals?”
MY NIGHTMARES REVEALED!!!
Oh no! It’s the sign of the Armageddon in my nightmares…
My mother seems to be dressing my dad up like the stupid Geico lizard….
It’s over folks… Sanity… Life … everything!
Chronicles of the Absurd asks “Then Why Am I In The Picture?”
Well the voter’s of the great state of Delaware spoke last night and there to answer the call was their champion Christine O’Donnell. Typically, I could give a shit less what happens in Delaware unless it involves tax free shopping or some time spent with dear friends at the beach, but in this case, I can’t let it slide.
The old “Nuts on the Forehead” or “Tea Bagging” party scored a victory over their Republican counterparts by electing Chrissy to run for the Republican ticket for Joe Biden’s (of all people) seat in the Senate. I watched this morning on some news station thanking Sarah Palin for her victory. Really? Wow. If the Chronicles of the Absurd was having a beauty pageant, she would definitely be first runner up. The reason why for first runner up? She scored low points with the closeted gay judges during the final Q & A round on the masturbation question.
Even Sarah Palin is not stupid enough to answer or even bring up that question, I mean the bitch can see Russia from her house! I just feel sorry for the people of Delaware when their S.A.L.T. leader goes to the Senate and enacts laws that forbid them from touching themselves when with themselves. And as for an answer to Chrissy’s question at the end of the video, “If it was not for putting a masturbation piece in front of masses, hiding the Talibanistic Christian Right Wing Bullshit, honey you would not have been elected…that is why you are in the picture bitch!”
Palin ver. II
Paris courtesy of Chad
Same Old Song and Dance (but with better hats)
I have looked at some pictures from the depression unemployment lines and current unemployment lines. Keep in mind another name for an unemployment line these days is a job fair.
Compare these pictures!
Well at least we can say we are a bit more stylish as the nation crumbles. Now I need to go out and get a “say something” hat.
A Job Interview Is a Bullshit Fest!
I have spent 15-20 years of my life going to stupid job interviews that make you get excited and falsely hopeful. I think if most people have had the amount of interviews I have had, they would probably jump off a bridge or cower in the corner of their bed and never see the light of day. One must realize, it is the most demoralizing, motivation stealing, SOUL STEALING, and heartless experience you could ever have. I’ve been to so many of these things, I realize that I am completely unemployable. The experiences are nightmarish.
Comments like (and these are real folks):
- You’re overqualified
- You’re underqualified
- You’re not the right fit (like i’m a piece of clothes or a condom or something)
- You’re too casual (guess I need to wear a tuxedo and pull up in a limo)
- You don’t have that special something
I’m not kidding folks. This kind of bullshit has been following me MY WHOLE CAREER LIFE and at the age of 40, I cant take it anymore!
CNN always puts these stupid “helpful” articles up about things NOT TO SAY in an interview. They are always obvious like:
- What does your company do? (research the company before the interview you idiot)
- How much does the job pay? (just understand they are going to give you a barely survivable wage. they want to rip you off right out of the gate. leave your high hopes at home).
- What are the hours of the position? (realize that you will be their slave and will work when they want you to, and however long they desire. welcome to slavery, fool)
- How many sick days do I get? (YOU GET ONE and if you take more than one they will gossip about you and talk behind your back and set you up to fail).
- How much time do you get off? (None. Don’t expect any for the first 5-10 years of employment if you last that long! God forbid you ask for a vacation, because that’s when they will search for your replacement).
- Do you do background checks? (Only if they don’t want to hire you or are so intimidated by your looks and skills they want to make sure you don’t get in the company at all).
Of course we or I would never ask these stupid questions in an interview because, as you can see above, I already know the answer from years of experience. Once again, the media (in this case CNN) isn’t helping anyone with this stupid article.
HOWEVER…
Because the employment CRISIS IN AMERICA (yes that’s right I said crisis) is so bad, the respondents to the article were quite eloquent and profound. One person responded in this fashion and it’s so true. These questions will definitely offend an interviewer but I have moist dreams about saying them because they are legitimate questions that are more attuned to employment in “Amurka” and the treatment/plight of the working class being subjugated by people who don’t do ANYTHING and make all the money:
- Why are you filling this position from the outside? Is it because you’ve made poor hiring choices so you have no one to choose from or because you have a bad training program?
- What percentage of workers would quit today if they had a chance?
- How much does the CEO & execs earn for every person they lay off?
- How much does this company pay for their government lobbyists to push through bad public legislation in Washington DC?
- How is management evaluated? Quality or quantity of work done?
- What’s the most important thing I should focus on to be successful in this company: good appearance, network connections, ability to BS, taking claim for other’s work, or being in the same golf league as the boss?
- What religious affiliation will solidify my employment at this company?
- Which social networking tool should I be on so you can track my every move and invade my privacy and hold me accountable in the workplace, Facebook, Twitter, or Myspace?
- Is there anything else I should change in my personal NON WORK related time that would qualify me for this position? Political affiliation (republican democrat liberal conservative)? Quit smoking? Turn gay or straight? Drink more? Less? Watch more television? Choose the right sports team?
Let’s face it folks, interviewing for a job these days is about as much of a crap shoot as playing your last retirement cent on a green felt table in Atlantic City. There’s no right way to go to an interview. All I can say is EXPECT NOTHING and if you get ANYTHING or even a job, expect to be treated like shit and thrown out the moment you get hired for some contrived reason even God himself couldn’t explain. It is important to remember, you don’t work for a company or yourself… YOU WORK FOR A PERSON(S) WHO’S GREED IS SO MASSIVE YOU WOULD NEVER UNDERSTAND IT UNLESS YOU WON THE LOTTERY AND HATED EVERYONE YOU KNOW.
Remember, we are all here and suffering so the few who have lived large wont have to change their standard of living.
