UPDATE (6/5/2015): The legendary and monolithic Mike O’meara Show podcast read this blog post on their podcast. I was driving with MsNeeBo to Atlantic City, NJ for the weekend and heard this while driving on the Black Horse Pike. I nearly had a heart attack! Many THANK YOU’S to my favorite broadcasting gods, The Mike O’Meara Show. (Go shop at their god damned Amazon page)

Here we go with the list so far… Feel free to add in comments! NO REPEATS!  (I may do another list for MD and VA as some of these issues leach over into both states).

1. Bad traffic
2. Rude opportunistic people
3. Poor work ethic
4. Everyone thinks they’re entitled i.e., “Dont you know who i am?!!”
5. The food sucks
6. Not a single good pizza in all of DC, MD or VA
7. Yes washington dc sucks, but MD and VA are definitely contributors to the suck.
8. Extremely high prices.
9. One of the most expensive nights on the town.
10. Nights on the town suck.
11. The subways dont go to places, they go to parking garages and office buildings and businesses that close at 5.
12. The parking police are high (literally. They cant even correctly type a license plate number, and they fine you for legally parking your vehicle thus sending you to court to fight a stupid ticket).
13.  The people are completely incapable of driving correctly.
14. (Because of Maryland drivers) everyone drives in the left lane and makes right hand turns from it.
15. (Because of Virginia) everyone drives with their turn signal on when not turning and drives entirely too slow.
16. Extremely high taxes (for infrastructure that sucks).
17. (probably mostly a maryland thing but) The power goes out a lot.
18. (probably a virginia thing but) Full of racist evil conservative religious zealot republicans.
19. The zoo is lame.
20. The water tastes really bad.
21. The weather sucks (no spring or fall, goes right into winter/summer).
22. Stinky nasty humidity all summer and the air rarely moves.
23. The subway is extremely expensive.
24. The subway is extremely dirty.
25. The subway is extremely slow and inconsistent.
26. The subway is ugly (no! it is not beautiful… and who cares how it looks when it is always delayed or broken down).
27. The subway is just plain dangerous.
28. The radio stations suck (all pop and political / sports talk).
29. Too many alcoholic rich people (who act like idiots).
30. Overcrowded (and they just keep building overpriced housing to bring in the rich entitled douche bags).
31. Not enough grocery stores to match the population (so they’re always out of stuff).
32. Some people are stupid enough to be proud to live here.
33. It is not a city, it is a facility.
34. It is not “world class” it is “world ass”. Everyone from all over the world comes here to be an overpaid asshole!
35. It’s too far from an ocean.
36. It’s like living with an international terrorist target on your ass.
37. Unsafe on a local and international level.
38. Too many police forces covering too small of an area and still crime is rampant and it isn’t safe at all.
39. The general public in DC is really stupid. (Proof: They have an announcement on the Metro that instructs the public how to use the ESCALATOR).
40. The traffic circles are not beautiful or helpful. They just plain suck.
41. The design of the city is meant only for horses.
42. All of DC, MD, and VA are built for cars ONLY yet they claim to be pedestrian friendly.
43. Nobody cares about their local sports teams (the fans aren’t fans, they just think it’s a night out on the town and they dont care if their teams win or lose).
44. Their sports teams suck.
45. The beltway is a useless parking lot.
46. There is no effective way to access DC from the north.
47. Highest rent (you might as well live in NYC. At least you would have some entertainment value for the high prices).
48. Their baseball stadium is ugly and looks like a prison from the outside.
49. The DC opened a trolley system that doesn’t take any passengers, yet runs 24/7 and clogs up traffic. This is not some sick joke. It really exists and does nothing!!
50. Their football stadium for their team isn’t even in their city (The  Laurel, Maryland Redskins).
51. Their football team has a racist offensive name.
52. The river that runs through the city is disgusting and stinky and stagnant (BOTH OF THEM:  potomac and anacostia).
53. The subway has so many stops and no express (so it takes forever to get to anywhere – if the subway actually WENT somewhere).
54. The subway only has 2 tracks (so if a train breaks down its a disaster for the entire system, and it happens daily).
55. Income disparity is disgusting.  (Probably a Maryland thing but, slums on one side of the street, and mansions on the other).