Okay I am duty bound to blog about my trip to Minneapolis. This will probably sound like a stupid “what I did this summer” essay, and THAT is just how it is intended. So suck it!
My fabulous “road gypsy” sister in law (the mysterious Denise) accompanied me on my maiden voyage as a long haul driver. It was quite an experience. Here’s how it went down from my stupid MS Word calendar.
July 21 – Left for MN at 1:30pm. Arrived at Eldersburg (casa del Brente) 4ish and left for MN at 5:30p. Drove thru the night and morning.
Things I learned:
1. The state of Ohio smells bad and the state of Indiana smells even WORSE!
Stinky Ohio
2. Once you get started on a trip like this, you really can’t stop for anything (so sorry John).
3. Always bring along some music that really sucks but you know really well (this keeps you awake by making fun of the music by screaming along)!
4. At the right time of the early morning, with properly balanced tires, and with cruise control you can drive across the entire state of Indiana and never touch the steering wheel (so damn flat).
5. Wisconsin is the indoor water park capital of the world.
6. Gary Indiana makes Elizabeth New Jersey look like an oasis.
7. If you are travelling from Indiana to Illinois, you will not get welcomed to the state with any sort of “welcome to this state” sign. Dont know why.
Ill-Annoys
July 22 – 7:30a to 11:30a – slept in a parking lot for a first care facility which sits next to a restaurant called “the bog”. Here’s the best I can find for a webpage for the restaurant. It has a map so you can see where to sleep when the rain comes down in sheets and you’ve been driving for MANY MANY HOURS.
July 22 – 12 ish. Arrived in Minnesota where Liz came out to the car to meet us. It was sooooooo coool!
July 22 (Thurs) to July 26 (Mon) – Had a wonderful, exciting, and relaxing time hanging with Liz and Chris.
Things I learned:
1. Minnesota is really nice and clean and perty.
2. The people that live in the city actually have lawns.
3. The Mississippi river flows thru EVERYTHING.
4. The mall of america is over the top consumerism on steroids.
5. The public transit is clean, convenient, and very slow (ala chocolate world speed).
6. The bars have very nice people in them (at least the ones we went to).
7. Chris OFFICIALLY does a very good McJagger dance (as approved by Denise and Myself).
8. Chris has introduced me to the world of Portable Alcoholism (thank you “sensei” (did I spell that right?))
9. Liz is an awesome friend, the best hostess, and has the best tan in Minneapolis (“stay sexy Minneapolis!”).
10. The Juicy Lucy is INCREDIBLE!
11. Black Sambucca tastes good in coffee.
12. I am addicted to Cheese Curds.
13. Chris always remembered his lunch money and his permission slip in the morning when he went to work.
Minnesota
July 26 (Monday) – Left with difficult goodbyes at 10:45am. Bought some Cheese curds at a quicky mart in Wisconsin.
Wisconsin in all about cheese curds and indoor waterparks
July 26 – rush hour – Hit rush hour in chicago. Wasn’t really bad because we were on toll roads. Gave us a chance to take these bad cell phone pictures.
chicago rush hour 1chicago rush hour 2chicago rush hour 3
July 26 – Entering Indiana – Almost lost my temper at the “take ticket” toll booth. There was no ticket sticking out so i pressed the button to “get ticket”. Still no ticket. Pressed the button to get help. Got an actual recording thru the speaker on the ticket box that said,
“all operators are busy please stand by” with hold music. Sat there with traffic backing up behind me waiting on the operator to answer.
Finally she answered and I couldnt understand/hear her at all (I was at a toll booth and the speaker box was as small as my cell phone).
Finally I said, “I’m not from here, I dont know where I am and I’m trying to enter your stupid state of Indiana from Illinois and I cant get a damned ticket to come out of the stupid box!” She garbled something and the ticket came out. Finally, we were on our way again.
Stopped at a gas station in Indiana and stumbled over a toll booth ticket on the ground that was cheaper than ours. We took it and turned it in when we got to the other end of the toll road. It was accepted!! Correct me on the amount but I believe we saved 2 bucks… Denise? Comment? So Indiana paid me back 2 bucks for the hassle (and I kept the original Indiana toll ticket as a souvenir).
Indiana can suck it!
Around midnight in Ohio, we considered settling for a cheap hotel but I think in hindsight, we realized that Ohio along the toll road wasn’t really an appealing place to spend the night so we just muddled on in a screaming haze.
July 27 – The construction around Pittsburgh in Pennsylvania is horrific even at 2AM.
Pennsylvania can suck it as well!
July 27 – Took a crap in a rest stop in Maryland. Very regrettable.
July 27 – About 5am – Pulled into Elderssykesburgville Maryland. Immediately crashed in the new improved bed in the room where the former disfiguring “stapler” bed used to be. (The new bed was quite effective).
July 27 – about 11:30 am – woke up. Had coffee. Brente cleaned my car up. (That much travel in ANY car can ruin the interior).
July 27 – 1:30p – Headed back to rehoboth beach delaware.
July 27 – 4p – arrive in reho.
mileage estimates:
1230 miles to Minneapolis from Rehoboth Beach, DE.
I drove 1000 of it.
1280 miles to Rehoboth, DE from Minneapolis. (I think we took a wider different way around milwaukee on the way back…not really sure. Maybe it was highway dementia having an affect on my odometer).
IN CONCLUSION: All I can say is WOW and:
1. I never knew I could drive that far!
2. I never knew I had such a fun sister in law to travel with!
3. I never knew Minneapolis could be soooo cool.
4. I KNEW that Liz and Chris are awesome and we’d have a good time and we DEFINITELY DID!
My new hero is Antoine Dodson. He saved his sister from being raped. I love his honesty, elegance and wit while describing such a heinous act. Antoine comes in at the 1:03 mark.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ua-OqYZC1DA&feature=player_embedded
“You can run and tell that!” Ghetto justice on the “DL”.
Space weather is coming to you today from our friends in Minneapolis.
The I-Sun seems to have an erection in the shape of a large magnetic filament that is throbbing on its surface.
Researchers at SDO say that filaments can become unstable and either explode or crash back down onto the I-Sun’s surface. The way the heat has been rocking the hometown, I think we need Mrs I-Sun to come in and give our guy a hand release.
Sunspot 1087 is turning towards I-Earth and this sunspot is ready to party.
As you can see from the little I-Earth in the corner of the photo, Sunspot 1087 is massive and is large enough to swallow 10 I-Earths and still have some room for perhaps a Venus, Mars, Mercury, and 1/2 of Jupiter.
A possibly very large sunspot on the I-Sun’ surface is slowly turning to face I-Earth and as for me, well listen to this:
Excited Spit
.
This same sunspot set off some very large CME’s recently, and just blew its top again this morning. If this sunspot continues to erupt when facing the I-Earth, it means auroras, and geo-magnetic storms probably hitting sometime next week, so make sure you back up your files.
Gloria’s Boy aka Anderson Cooper likes to pride himself on his “AC360” show with his tag line “Keeping them Honest.” Well, if traveling the globe to disaster after disaster for the best photo shot is keeping it honest, then AC is your man. Only if you are a man though.
Here is Gloria’s boy keeping it honest as he leaves the gym with his hot piece. See that look? Oops! AC isn’t keeping it honest. If anything, he has a platform to make his case for his fellow closet suffer. But no. And it is with that, in the words of Edwina Monsoon “I take issue.” Usually I let it go, and see him for what he is; an over privileged, under loved, seeking all of the attention he didn’t get when mommy made jeans through his TV show, closeted homo.
But yesterday evening, I spied a video on his blog made by one of his beard reporters about how contacting a government agency during a government holiday about the oil spill got them no response. I suppose government employees where perhaps at the gym with their secret lovers or off to the Hampton’s to spend the holidays with “mommy?” Why are they not out in front of Senator Mary Landry’s home on this holiday weekend…or Congressman Barton’s home (a Chronicles of the Absurd favorite) asking them why are they not working to solve this little environmental disaster considering they received the highest amounts of campaign money from…you guessed it BP.
I suppose that Gloria’s boy thought this was an “outstanding” piece of investigative journalism, considering he works at a job he needs not even take a salary for. I guess when you can afford to go anywhere you want with anyone you want, it doesn’t become a vacation…how’s that for “keeping them honest.”
Today’s tasty tidbit of absurdity comes from close to home. It is a special day for me because today is my daughter’s 11th birthday. A close family relative, whom is a non compliant diabetic, and is also on a liver transplant list, brought down a birthday cake that had over an 1″ of icing on it. Not to be outdone in their shame and to draw attention away from that, they also included a “how to stop smoking” DVD in my daughter’s gift basket.
Now, at first I thought, when did my daughter start smoking? But then the cigarette smoke lifted and I realized it was for me. I asked when told, of the DVD, “What, is it showing a time machine video of my funeral, cause I won’t be smoking then, unless I’m cremated.” And I also wanted to know if there was a video of the cake that was brought to my home and how to quit eating that…see the difference is, I can quit smoking when I’m ready. This person has an illness that unless controlled by diet will kill them…even if they smoke or not…
I have decided that the only way I can get through this is perhaps if I include some of the absurdities done by this close family relative…no names…or family position designation…but too much pure absurdity to go to waste. Oh, and I made sure that the piece of cake I cut for em had the most icing of all. Then I went out for a smoke!
