This is all I have, the rest I am trying to purge from my memory.
When you think about how everyone is being reviewed and critiqued on the Internet lately, it is amazing that something as inherently negative such as Yelp is considered to be a valid source of information. If you aren’t familiar with it, Yelp.com is website that will allow ANYONE to leave a review or critique about a certain business (restaurants, hotels, plumbers, car dealers, just about anything that takes your cash, etc.).
Right now you are probably thinking, “that’s incredible! I can make a sound decision by reading these reviews.”
Here’s where you might want to reconsider what you just thought. How many times in your money spending life have you thought of actually taking the time to log into something and write a review? If you are having a wonderful experience or service scenario, these days, you are just thrilled that things are going as advertised and you are getting your money’s worth.
However, (ha), if the experience/service was horrible, I bet you and the majority of others would have enough anger/energy to compose a novella on Yelp.com about how horribly you were treated.
There is nothing in the Yelp mission statement about the balance of positive and negative reviews. Take a look at the mission statement from the site (my comments are in my WordPress theme’s lame excuse for bold):
Our purpose: To connect people with great local businesses
10 Things You Should Know About Yelp
- Yelp was founded in 2004 to help people find great local businesses like dentists, hair stylists and mechanics. (Lovely idea… All search engines have been doing that for years. Need a local one? Try typing your locality in the search… Lazy idiots).
- Yelp had an average of approximately 78 million monthly unique visitors in Q2 2012. (Big deal. Do we really give a shit?)
- Yelpers have written over 30 million local reviews. (Once again. Quit stroking your corporate ego and give us your real purpose.)
- In addition to reviews, you can use Yelp to find events, lists and to talk with other Yelpers. (Do you really want to be called a “yelper”?)
- Every business owner (or manager) can setup a free account to post photos and message her customers. (Last I heard, this was called “e-mail” marketing. Try using that instead. “Oh shit! Can’t you just use facebook?” (barf)).
- Yelp makes money by selling ads to local businesses – you’ll see these clearly labeled “Yelp Ads” around the site. (HERE LIES THE PURPOSE OF YELP!)
- Paying advertisers can never change or re-order their reviews. (Really? How the hell would we know?)
- Yelp has an automated filter that suppresses a small portion of reviews – it targets those suspicious ones you see on other sites. (What makes a review “suspicious”? How much is a “small portion” of suppression? What is the criteria for this “automated filter”?)
- You can access Yelp via iPhone, Android, BlackBerry, and more – see the full list of mobile apps here. (Can I access it in the newspaper as well? HA!)
- The Weekly Yelp brings locals updates on the latest and greatest business openings & other happenings. (aka Spam.)
Left this comment on Huffington post:
To make this system of “everyone is a published critic/reviewer” function properly, it is of UTMOST IMPORTANCE that you submit a GOOD review to yelp as much as you would a bad review. Problem is that people are lazy when they are enjoying themselves and don’t bother saying nice things. Yelp then turns into a truly invalid source for information as it will only contain NEGATIVE COMMENTS. Yelp is irrelevant like most vox populi these days.
in response to this article.
Why did I do all of this?
- I’m angry with the world lately.
- Yelp has hurt some people that I know.
- It has been so long since I seriously sat down and spewed my thoughts into text, and it felt good to do it at the moment. (see number 1 above).
Read this post very quick. I may read it tomorrow, and be so embarrassed at how poorly it is written, I may just rip it down as fast as I posted it. I hope this doesn’t bring anyone down, its more of an opinion about the way things are changing in the mass media these days….. maybe just a simple request for people that “reads the Internets” to put shit into perspective.
…. my god… what was i thinking? that’s FUTILE! Just leave a comment if you feel so moved.
I’m still hoping for complete and total INSTANT oblivion. Like a light switch to a dimension of nothingness!
GO NOTHING! GO NOTHING! GO NOTHING! WOOOOOOOOOOOO!
I know, as soon as the word “Facebook” appears as the title of a post, some of us out there will roll the eyes, shake the head and have the “thats what you get” attitude for even dealing with that excuse of electrons…but for some of us its purely a way to keep in touch with friends and family, and a way to waste time.
So this morning as I methodically went through my compulsive list of sites I visit, all let me in except for one. Facebook.
It seems that FAILBOOK (a.k.a. Facebook from here on out) has disabled my account for being flagged, well here read the description:
“Fake accounts are a violation of our Statement of Rights and Responsibilities. All accounts must abide by the following policies:
You must provide your real first name and last name.
Impersonating anyone or anything is prohibited.
You are not allowed to create multiple accounts that exist solely for the usage of Facebook Platform applications. It is a violation of Facebook policy to maintain more than one account on the site.
Profiles created to represent celebrities, pets, ideas, or inanimate objects are strictly prohibited.
Profiles created for the purpose of spamming or harassing others are strictly prohibited.People on Facebook want to interact with their real friends and the people they know in the real world. Since fake accounts can damage the integrity of this environment, they are not allowed to remain on the site”
In order for me to re able my account, they want me to send them a copy of or picture of a governmental issued ID. In other words, I DO NOT EXIST. Does this still mean I have to pay my bills if FAILBOOK doesn’t think I am a real person?
Let’s face it. In today’s society, people are getting hired, fired, laid, married, divorced, elected, etc, all by being a tool for a “free” service that is far from free. Rants, bitches, and the day to day bullshit of our lives are based on these things being shared with the world of our friends, families, and groupies. Sometimes, its just to say hey on the fly to a good friend or family member whom you miss. Either way, people do it for many reasons, but the biggest is probably a sense of belonging to a group.
So this morning, FAILBOOK broke up with me. Maybe my life was so good, they couldn’t believe it and had to kick me out? Maybe I am too much of a nerd? Maybe it was because I did not play any of their virus ridden games? Maybe it was because I failed to keep up with the old boyfriend searches or the countless spam FAILBOOK dating emails sent to my email account? Who knows? All I know is, that I do not belong anymore. And in a way, it feels good.
UPDATE: FAILBOOK now says it was a “selective” bug in their security that targeted female participants. According to the article, I wish they would have contacted me because I would say: FUCK YOU I STILL DON’T WANT TO USE YOUR SITE ANYMORE. ASSHOLES.